By the grace of God I'm not who I was.
By the grace of God I am who I am.
By the grace of God I'm not who I am going to be.
For a couple of months I have been in a season of refinement. Though, up until today I wouldn't have called it that.
You know those moments of desperation in your soul where you absolutely need to see God change you and touch you? Often times we leave it at that; simply acknowledging you have a spiritual need. Then there are those times where you actually pray for change. You stop and ask God to search your heart and know you. You ask God to bring out of you the things that don't look like His Son. You plead with God and ask Him to remove the dirt, clear the clutter and show you where you're weak.
Isn't that such a freeing release? To know that something is wrong and to be able to surrender control to the Lord and ask for a heart change?
That's just the beginning.
How quickly we forget what we've asked for.
This time, I went into that prayer knowing that the pruning would be painful. I knew that there was a lot of things in my heart that I had let run rampant over the years. I knew it was killing me and I was desperate. I still am. I begged God to remind me in my moments of suffering what I have asked for. In my trials over the past two months (since I have begun praying for change) I have not had peace about my circumstances until God has revealed to me that He was doing what I asked for.
My pride hates it.
My flesh hates it.
My spirit, however, has experienced so much joy.
I also believe that in these moments of refinement that God will use the things and/or people that will most challenge us. The enemy knows it too. The enemy would love nothing more than to see me stay where I am.
I'm having a moment, where I have so much to say and my bitterness wants to get the best of me. I knew that the Lord was asking me not to speak, but to stay silent and surrender my right to be heard and surrender my right to see justice. I waited. This morning, I sought the Lord for answers and he brought me to 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into a strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
God, ever-so gently, brought me into His presence and spoke this to me. "Run to get the prize. Don't run for anyone's approval. Don't run to be like other people. Don't run to be heard or justified. There is only one prize. Jesus. Run for him, run to him. I am doing this, so you may have what you asked for: Jesus."
Praise God for seasons of strict training.
S
